


Destiny and Chicken [The Show on Channel 5]

by vortexofdeduction



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Modern Era, Screenplay/Script Format, Television
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3143462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexofdeduction/pseuds/vortexofdeduction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story-within-a-story in my fic "Channel 5". This is the TV show, written in script format.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Destiny and Chicken [The Show on Channel 5]

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Channel 5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2623121) by [vortexofdeduction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortexofdeduction/pseuds/vortexofdeduction). 



> You might want to read "Channel 5" first, but this can be read as a standalone if you really want.  
> This chapter corresponds with chapter 12 of "Channel 5".

[crowded street]

(ARTHUR, carrying a briefcase and wearing an expensive suit, is walking. He looks at his watch and starts running. He runs into MERLIN, who spills coffee all over ARTHUR's suit and briefcase. ARTHUR jumps back in shock.)

ARTHUR: You idiot! Why weren't you looking where you were going?

MERLIN: I could ask the same of you.

ARTHUR: You'll pay for that!

MERLIN: Pay for your inconvenience, yes. Pay for my response, no.

ARTHUR: I'll have you know, I've been trained to sue since birth.

MERLIN: Oh really? And how long have you been training to be a prat, Sir? (bows head) Listen, mate, I'm really sorry about the coffee...

ARTHUR: Do I know you?

MERLIN: Sorry, what?

ARTHUR: Do I know you?

MERLIN: No...

ARTHUR: Yet you called me 'mate'.

MERLIN: My mistake.

ARTHUR: It certainly was.

MERLIN: I would never have a friend who could be such an ass.

ARTHUR: Nor I one who could be so stupid.

MERLIN: I'm really sorry, though. I can pay for the dry cleaning, buy you a new briefcase, whatever you need...

ARTHUR: No, you'd only mess it up more, you incompetent git.

MERLIN: I may be many things, but incompetent is not one of them.

ARTHUR: I could take you apart with one blow.

MERLIN: I could take you apart with less than that.

ARTHUR: I. Don't. Care. I have much more important things to do than converse with lower class imbeciles who can't even carry a cup of coffee without spilling it all over someone!

MERLIN: Oh, so you think because I'm poor, I'm stupid?

ARTHUR: I don't have time for your nonsense. You are a waste of space! You're completely useless! Worse, you ruin the lives of everyone around you! You...

(MERLIN is crying)

ARTHUR: Are you... crying?

MERLIN: It has nothing to do with you; don't flatter yourself. I've had enough arrogant bullshit for one day. Enough for a lifetime! Leave me alone!

ARTHUR: Oh, you're telling me to leave? What makes you think you're in charge?

MERLIN: Oh I don't know, how about the fact that I get to decide who I don't want to be with? I'm done!

ARTHUR: I hope to never have the pleasure of seeing you again.

(they part ways angrily)

[MERLIN's flat]

(MERLIN slams the door as he walks into the room.)

GWEN: What is it, Merlin?

MERLIN: Nothing.

GWEN: Come on, I know you better than that.

MERLIN: I don't want to talk about it. (sits on the couch, facing away from GWEN)

GWEN: Is it about Cenred?

MERLIN: Sort of.

GWEN: (sits down next to MERLIN) Tell me all about it.

MERLIN: Oh I don't know where to start, Gwen. I... I ran into this guy... (GWEN gives MERLIN a suggestive look) Not like that! I literally ran into him. Spilled my coffee on him and everything. And he was such a prat about it, too! He... he reminded me of Cenred.

GWEN: He can't have been that bad!

MERLIN: No, he wasn't. But he was bad enough. I just couldn't take it. The painful memories keep coming back. I've had a miserable day.

GWEN: So how about we drown out the memories with ice cream and chick flicks?

MERLIN: Gwen! You know how I feel about chick flicks. They're incredibly sexist, and why does the girl 'get' the guy or the guy 'get' the girl anyways? Why can't they 'get' each other? And since when are boyfriends/girlfriends prizes to be 'got'? It's just so wrong? And the very name 'chick flick' is wrong; girls shouldn't be called 'chicks', it's degrading.

GWEN: I was kidding, Merlin; I know how much you hate them.

MERLIN: You're really not making my day any better.

GWEN: Sorry. (pauses) You know what you need?

MERLIN: I'm afraid to ask.

GWEN: You need a night out.

MERLIN: What?

GWEN: You heard me. You need a night out. You haven't had any fun since you broke up with Cenred. He ruined your life enough when you were with him. You can't let him keep ruining it now that he's gone.

MERLIN: I suppose you're right. What did you have in mind?

GWEN: How about Avalon?

MERLIN: The gay bar?

GWEN: Why not?

MERLIN: You're only saying that because you want to see me get drunk. You know how much of a lightweight I am.

GWEN: I still think you'd like it.

MERLIN: Oh, fine.

[ARTHUR's flat]

(ARTHUR stalks in angrily.)

GWAINE: What's wrong, Princess?

ARTHUR: Nothing, Gwaine. And don't call me Princess!

GWAINE: I'll stop calling you Princess if you tell me what's wrong.

ARTHUR: There is nothing wrong.

GWAINE: Come off it, Princess; I can smell the sexual frustration from miles away.

ARTHUR: That's only because you'll have sex with anything that moves.

GWAINE: Who says it has to move? And yes, it does make me more adept at noticing these things. But you still haven't told me, what is it?

ARTHUR: I met a guy...

GWAINE: (excitedly) Oh? What's he like?

ARTHUR: Really hot. He's got messy jet black hair, an amazing... well actually I didn't see him smile, so I don't know, but I assume he has a nice smile. He's lean, but not too skinny. His lips are gorgeous...

GWAINE: Does he have a nice arse?

ARTHUR: Gwaine! (blushes) Yes, he does have a nice arse.

GWAINE: Well then, go for it!

ARTHUR: That's just the thing. He hates me.

GWAINE: Oh, Arthur.

ARTHUR: Why do I always have to fall in love with the wrong people?

GWAINE: Maybe you don't.

ARTHUR: What are you saying, Gwaine?

GWAINE: What you need, mate, is a good shag. That'll release some of your frustration. And who knows, maybe you'll find someone else to fall in love with!

ARTHUR: Father would have my head.

GWAINE: He doesn't have to know.

ARTHUR: And besides, where would I go to find someone? All the guys I know are straight.

GWAINE: You forgot me!

ARTHUR: Right, sorry, but I'm not dating you. You're my obnoxious friend, nothing more.

GWAINE: Fine.

ARTHUR: So, where would I go?

GWAINE: Have you ever been to a gay bar?

ARTHUR: What? No!

GWAINE: I'm telling you, it's the best place to pick up a guy. And I know a real nice one 'round here.

ARTHUR: But... but...

GWAINE: Come on, Arthur. We're going to Avalon.

[GWEN's car]

GWEN: So other than the annoying guy, how was your day?

MERLIN: He kind of ruined my entire day. Other than that, fine! Merlin said with a false smile on his face.

GWEN: What did he do?

MERLIN: Oh, not much, just said that I was stupid and stuff like that. I hadn't been having a great day to begin with, so that was enough to tip me over the edge.

GWEN: Ah.

MERLIN: Oh, and he said he'd been trained to sue since birth. Like, seriously?

GWEN: Funny, that sounds like something Arthur would say. Wait a minute - this man, what did he look like?

MERLIN: Blonde, blue eyes, muscular... stereotypical jerk. He was carrying a briefcase that said 'Pendragon Attorneys'...

GWEN: That's got to be Arthur.

MERLIN: You dated that jerk?

GWEN: He's actually not that bad once you get to know him. He just has a hot temper.

MERLIN: Is that why you broke up with him?

GWEN: No, no, I broke up with him because I found Lance, and Arthur broke up with me because he found out he was gay. We were both like 'I have something to tell you', and then we laughed for a few minutes at the convenience of it and parted, no hard feelings.

MERLIN: But wait, if he's gay, does that mean...

GWEN: No, you won't find him here - he doesn't drink.

MERLIN: Thank goodness for that.

(MERLIN and GWEN arrive at Avalon and start drinking. A few minutes later, ARTHUR walks in. Neither of them see each other, and Arthur gets on the dance floor. After changing partners several times, Arthur begins dancing with MORDRED.)

MORDRED: Hello.

ARTHUR: Hi.

MORDRED: You here for the dancing, or are you actually gay?

ARTHUR: I'm actually gay. It's funny, my friend dragged me in here because he said I needed to pick up a guy.

MORDRED: (clearly interested) Oh?

ARTHUR: Yeah. I'm Arthur, by the way.

MORDRED: Mordred.

ARTHUR: Hm.

MORDRED: What?

ARTHUR: In the legends, Mordred was Arthur's bane. Mordred kills him, in the end.

MORDRED: Well, I certainly hope that doesn't happen.

ARTHUR: Agreed. You're too handsome to be a murderer. (smiles, then looks upset)

MORDRED: What?

ARTHUR: Nothing, it's just... my friend brought me here because I fell in love with someone I can't have.

MORDRED: Oh? Why not? Is he straight?

ARTHUR: No... well, I don't know; I didn't get to asking about his sexuality. The problem is, he hates me.

MORDRED: I'm sure a charmer like you is skilled at persuasion.

ARTHUR: Maybe, but I doubt I'd see him again. It was just a chance meeting.

MORDRED: Well, if it's meant to be, I'm sure you'll find him again.

ARTHUR: I don't believe in destiny. I'll never... (stops talking because he sees MERLIN)

MORDRED: What?

ARTHUR: That's him. (points to MERLIN. MERLIN turns around, sees ARTHUR, and looks afraid. MERLIN turns to face GWEN.)

[bar counter]

MERLIN: Gwen, we need to get out of here.

GWEN: (worried) Why? What's wrong? Are you in danger?

MERLIN: No. It's him.

GWEN: Cenred?

MERLIN: No. Arthur. (looks at GWEN angrily) I thought you said he doesn't drink.

GWEN: (surprised) He doesn't!

[dance floor]

MORDRED: Go for it!

ARTHUR: What if he rejects me?

MORDRED: I'll be right here waiting for you. Or if you prefer, you could go to the friend who got you into this in the first place. I assume he came with you. (ARTHUR nods) Now go!

(ARTHUR walks over to MERLIN)

[bar counter]

MERLIN: If this is about the coffee, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to...

ARTHUR: It's not about the coffee. (MERLIN looks confused.) We got off to a rough start earlier today. Let's try again. I'm Arthur. (ARTHUR extends his hand, and MERLIN shakes it suspiciously.)

MERLIN: I'm Merlin.

ARTHUR: You're kidding me!

MERLIN: I know Merlin isn't the most common name, but my mum really likes the birds, and...

ARTHUR: Merlin. Arthur and Merlin.

GWEN: (turning to face the two of them) It's like destiny

ARTHUR: Oh, Gwen. I uh... didn't see you there.

GWEN: It's alright Arthur. This is Merlin, my flatmate. We're very close friends, so if you do anything to hurt him, I will rip you to shreds.

ARTHUR: I would never...

GWEN: That's what they all say. Not all guys are kind to the people they date.

ARTHUR: Date? What? I'm not...

GWEN: (sarcastically) Sure... (starts walking away) I'll just leave you boys to it then.

MERLIN: Wait! (but GWEN has already gone) Now listen, Arthur, I know you talked about starting over, but I can't forget the way you treated me. And don't try to say the coffee I spilled on you makes it even.

ARTHUR: I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to make it up?

MERLIN: You can stay away from me.

ARTHUR: Oh. (walks away)

[dance floor]

MORDRED: So I take it things didn't work out? 

ARTHUR: Pretty much. Listen, you're really nice and all, and I would totally go for you if I wasn't in love with Merlin, but as it is, I can't stay here.

MORDRED: I understand. Good luck!

[table where GWAINE is sitting]

ARTHUR: I found Merlin. He said no. I can't think about anyone else. Let's go home.

GWAINE: Come on, Arthur! You haven't even had any fun yet! We need to get you drunk.

ARTHUR: I told you, Gwaine, I don't drink.

GWAINE: Well at least dance or something. Hey wait, they're about to announce an activity! (the activity is announced, and it is blindfolded kissing)

ARTHUR: No way I am doing that.

GWAINE: Oh come on, you know you love kissing guys.

ARTHUR: Yes, but not now. Not strangers.

GWAINE: I'll come with you, so you won't be the only one.

ARTHUR: No.

GWAINE: Remember, the rules say that if you're the first one to kiss a guy when the music stops, you get twenty pounds!

ARTHUR: Oh, fine. But if I don't win, you owe me ten.

[dance floor]

(The music begins to play. Arthur dances with random people until the music stops, and then he grabs the nearest man - who happens to be MERLIN - and kisses him. MERLIN recoils at first, then reciprocates. The blindfolds are removed, and Arthur sees Merlin. They both stare in shock for a moment, then Merlin frowns and Arthur blushes. Arthur runs away. Merlin walks over to Gwen.

MERLIN: What the fuck just happened?

 


End file.
